The Renegade Writer

You ask, we answer: On the rocks

Robert writes, “I’ve been told that writers drink either beer or straight whiskey. I like my whiskey on the rocks. Is this going to be a problem?”

Robert, Robert, Robert. You’ve been reading the wrong rule book. About five years ago, the International Freelancing League designated coffee as the official beverage of working writers. Supporting the coffee trade keeps both chain and independent cafes solvent so we freelancers always have clean, well-lighted (and free wireless!) places to operate our businesses. Think about it … what does Anheuser-Busch offer us in the way of amenities? Do you believe the alcoholic beverage industry gives a rat’s ass about freelancers when they’ve got quality folk like Pete Doherty (at left) and Paris Hilton quaffing their product? I think not. Last I checked, they don’t offer subsidized sobriety programs for writers. They don’t even have fair trade lagers or Scotch, for gosh sakes!

Another problem with whiskey, which you alluded to, is the snobbery. Those who drink their whiskey neat feel superior to people like you who are on the rocks. Coffee is a much more democratic drink. Even aficionados who drink their java black can appreciate a well-made latte, complete with foam art. Oh, and the variety — there’s iced coffee, machiattos, Americanos, Turkish coffee, Sanka, Vietnamese coffee — the list goes on. With whiskey, you get ice or no ice and the attendant sneers if you make the wrong choice. Sure, there are whiskey sours and Manhattans, but no real writer would be caught dead with those drinks at the keyboard.

So toss out your Glenfiddich and ice cube trays and head on over to your local coffeshop. Feel free to bring your laptop and some reading material (try *that* at The Lucky Strike, where some lug nut named Red will probably escort you out on your ear.) If you can’t stomach coffee, the IFL designated tea as an acceptable substitute. Linda, for example, isn’t a big fan of coffee so she drinks tea. Only she uses teabags. I try not to let that offend me, but it’s a well-established fact that loose tea rules. [db]

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Oct 9, 2006 Advice, Ass, You Ask, We Answer

9 Responses

  1. Francie says:

    Great answer!! Coffee rules. I love it, even though I try not to drink too much of it.

    Remember, too that coffee is a stimulant. Just a little more than usual, and sometimes I can’t stop talking – or writing. A great asset when one works with streams of information.
    Beer and whiskey, conversely are depressants. So, unless one is after a certain morose and melancholy style, it probably won’t help.

    Ah, but what about the greats like Hemingway or F Scott Fitzgerald, who were well-known for imbibing strong spirits? Well, my guess is that they perhaps found writing to be therapeutic in dealing with their bouts of depression. So, rather than alcohol as inspiration it was the activity of writing that helped to bring them out of their alcohol induced stupors. Or they were anomalies to the whole stimulant vs depressant theory. Or who knows…? Just be aware – Hemingway committed suicide and Fitzgerald didn’t really become popular until after he died.

    So, take your pick. Me, I’m going to refill my coffee now.

    p.s. – no offense to any who find a glass of wine helps them loosen up at the keyboards. Whatever works!

  2. Patti says:

    Alright ladies, does this mean I have to put java in my hip flask now? What fun is that?

  3. DianaBurrell says:

    Patti, and here I was thinking you were a brown paper bag girl. (p.s. coffee and kahlua. Nice! But not before noon.)

  4. DianaBurrell says:

    OK, seriously — I’ve been sick lately, and the thought of drinking coffee … shudder. It’s weird because I’m the kind of person who needs three cups in the morning before I can even think about working. My new vice is chai. I make it with extra ginger and cinnamon, plus some cracked pepper and star anise. Yummy yum yum. It’s the perfect drink for fall weather.

  5. LindaFormichelli says:

    Diana, I’m glad you reminded me of the IFL memo. I don’t like beer OR whisky. In fact, the only alcoholic beverages I like are white Zinfandel and kaluha-and-cream, and I’m thinking they don’t count as “writer chic.” But I do like Folgers. Am I out of the secret society of writers?

  6. DianaBurrell says:

    The IFL doesn’t seem to have any prohibitions on brands of coffee. You’re safe with your Folgers. :-)

  7. Robert says:

    Wow, I didn’t think I’d get an answer to this one…but it’s a good answer, and left me thinking of the best option. One of the wonderful wi-fi equipped diners around here has one nice item on their menu: Irish coffee. It’s their house blend with a shot of Jamieson whiskey thrown in for good measure. Best of both worlds!

  8. Poo to tea even though I’m a Brit. Coffee all the way and then Jack and Diet, red wine and bubbles – not all at once – well, occasionally.

  9. Maddie says:

    Okay, what about us winos? A nice cold glass of chardonnay after the requisite daytime COFFEE.. glass in hand, sitting on my back patio with the waterfall, contemplating the day my educational video scripting wins a ?? GRAMMY?? EMMY??Whatever! Sigh, Tomorrow’s another day…

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