Yes, even the Renegades have walked the Query Letter Hall of Shame
Linda and I were just gossiping reminiscing over the telephone about our earlier efforts at query letter writing. Linda remembered one of her first queries to Family Circle: “Kwik Dri Cheez: Why Advertisers Can’t Spell” which was about the psychology behind product labeling. The surprising thing is that even after that cringe-worthy query, Linda later broke into Family Circle (with a different idea, obviously) and ended up writing for them for several years.
And I’m embarrassed to say, the query letter that shames me was sent just a few years ago to an editor I’d worked with a few times. I used to work in the marketing department of a consumer packaged goods company, and while there I learned the ins and outs of rebate programs and consumer coupons. I decided to put that hard-earned knowledge to good use by pitching an article on the ethics of rebating and couponing to a women’s magazine. You know, why it’s not okay to use a coupon for a different product than the one that’s actually advertised, or why using multiple addresses to get lots of rebate checks can bite you in the ass. I even found sources who were willing to tell me stories about their own unethical behavior.
Naturally, the story idea was rejected with a note, “This story is inappropriate for our readers. It’s a how-to manual on stealing from companies. Best of luck placing it elsewhere.” Yeah, like at the bottom of my cat’s litterbox! Geez, wtf was I thinking??? But like Linda, I ended up getting more work from them, so it wasn’t a career killer.
So come on — what have been some of your doozies? Spill! Spill! [db]
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Mar 21, 2007 Ass, Query letters
Was browsing among the new books and came across your Query book. Just wanted to say that I thought it was excellent. You guys did a great job of cutting through the myths out there, and provided some really good tips for both new and experienced writers. ~v
Funnily enough, I’d actually be keen to read either one of those stories, but I can see how they’re not suitable for the mags you pitched them to. I know it’s not the intention of the post, but it makes me sad how a lot of magazines prefer vanilla stories to ones with a little bite.
I’ll spill about my first awkward query to a glossy regional I now write for often: “Don’t Pooch Me In —- Why It’s OK to be Dog Free and Guilt Free”. The pitch was a mom’s rant about why I am NOT getting a dog despite the big push from my three kids and husband. Of course the magazine said “no thanks” since the readership (and city) is very dog friendly. P.S. I really do like dogs but I just don’t want to care for one. And I’d still like to place this dog of a story. Any ideas?
Jules; What about Time Out New York Kids? They run a short piece in the FOB called “Out Take” where parent rail about one thing or another. (I think it’s about 300 words or so.) A really funny one I remember was “Bite Me American Academy of Pediatrics” over their no TV stance.
BTW: I would totally read both of those stories – one because I’m a coupon whore and the other because I refuse to buy products if a company deliberately spells a word wrong.
A long time ago, before I even knew you could write for money, I responded to an ad in a local, free music magazine asking for writers. I had no idea how to operate as a freelancer but I had the feeling that this wasn’t like a normal job application – that I needed to include something extra, along with a cover letter and resume, to prove that I could write.
So… since it was my first year out of high school, I included copies of my report cards from English teachers with quotes about my outstanding writing skills. I don’t think I need to tell you that I didn’t hear back from them.
I don’t know what I was thinking. I don’t remember if I just didn’t think to include actual examples of my writing, or if I didn’t think I had anything appropriate, but looking back I had loads of ‘clips’ I could have sent them. In high school I’d published a zine in which I’d written a scathing rant about a ‘youth radio’ DJ I hated, as well as an interview profile of a local body piercer (including lots of gorey details). I’d also submitted an essay in English about why Lewis Carrol’s Alice in Wonderland is riddled with drug references. Too bad I didn’t send any of those in instead of my daggy school reports – I might have been writing for Rolling Stone by now. *sigh*
Ok, I know Im a novice but why was the query about the manufacturer mispellings a bad one?
My biggest mistake was last year I sent a emailed query that I had previously mailed out.
It said I had a SASE enclosed!
Rural Writer, the query itself wasn’t bad — except that I sent it to Family Circle, which is a magazine for moms and clearly a market that would never, ever run an article on branding strategy. Maybe if I had sent it to a marketing magazine instead…