Food Writing – Not All About the Food

Monica Bhide is teaching our Food Writing course in January. Monica is a cookbook author, and her food writing has appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post, Chicago Tribune, Christian Science Monitor, Bon Appetit, Town and Country Travel, Food and Wine, Cooking Light, Coastal Living, Health, and Better Nutrition.

Monica wanted to post this essay to show that food writing isn’t all writing about — well, food. You can use food to launch into a different topic altogether. Notice how she uses food to frame this beautiful essay about graciousness.

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“Oh, this has high-fructose corn syrup in it, I don’t think I can eat this.” remarked a business associate when I presented her with a beautifully packaged home-made almond brittle. At first, I was taken aback by the reaction. But then I was annoyed – it was a gift. She could have taken it, said thank you and then thrown it in the trash when I left, that would have been gracious. But she was making a point to turn the package around, reading the ingredients list on the back, scrunching her face and making a rude remark. (And, no, she is not allergic to corn syrup.)

Graciousness is defined by Webster’s as being good and courteous, and to a point I agree. But I think there is so much more to it. Graciousness brings with it a certain grace, a charm, that touches us. Gracious people are not just polite and kind, they share a rich attitude that embodies an abundance of a positive spirit. Let me give you an example -

I grew up in the Middle East, one of the most hospitable places in the world. I must have been about sixteen when my parents, my sister and I were invited to a dinner at a friend’s home on a Thursday night (Thursday and Friday are the weekend in the Gulf). So we showed up at seven, dressed to please, with hostess gift in hand. “I don’t see too many cars outside,” my Dad commented, “I guess it is a small gathering.” When the hostess opened the door, wearing sweats, we knew instantly we had made a mistake in the date. Totally embarrassed, my ever-polite and gentle father said, “I am so very sorry, we thought the dinner was tonight.” To which the hostess smiled and said, “It is now. We are blessed that you have been sent our way this day. Come in and we will celebrate being together and eat whatever I can get out of the fridge.” It was one of the best evenings of our lives. Her graciousness touched me in so many ways – if her reaction had been merely polite, it could have made us feel like fools. As we were getting ready to leave, she thanked my mother warmly for the flowers we had brought. “You don’t need to bring a gift when you come, just your friendship is gift enough,” she said.

Which brings me to back to my original point about graciousness and gifts : the modern way of giving gifts – gift cards, receipts, that level of ease and practicality – leaves out graciousness from the gift-giving process and the modern way of saying thanks, leaves out the graciousness from the gift-receiving process! In our society, many of us feel entitled, entitled to receive gifts. Aren’t gift supposed to be about expressing your love and warmth towards the person you are giving the gift to? How does a gift certificate to Tiffany’s express that? And, even more irking, the return receipts that are provided along with non-size-related gifts. What do they mean? “I bought you a gift that I thought you would love, but I guess you may not like it, so here is the return receipt?” Where is the graciousness in this whole process? I love it when I get a gift that shows me that my friends understand who I am – a note filled with kind words, book, a pen, an invitation to dinner. And there is a correct way to respond to all these – “Thank you. It means a lot to me that you took time to do this for me.” A thank you expressed in person or with a hand-written note or a call is gracious. An email sent to thirty people thanking them for attending your birthday, a note on Twitter or a Facebook status update saying “Thanks all” is not gracious.

I end with these words that someone wrote in my memory book in high school (a memory book is a notebook that all of us had, where friends penned in memorable and not so memorable words as we prepared to leave school and head to college). I don’t know if he is the original author of these lines or if he “borrowed” them from somewhere. So with all due respect to the author of these lines, here you go: “Be a gracious person, for graciousness is a charm, that no friend can ever borrow and no foe can ever harm.” [lf]