When Linda posted her productivity tips last fall, we were shocked (shocked!) to discover how many freelancers put off showering during the day. It seems like a lot of you plop down at the computer in the morning and don’t look up until you can barely see the screen through your PigPen-like cloud of stink.

The most successful freelancers are clean freelancers. So today we’re going share with you the personal filth-busting tips the pros use. Ready?

1. First, remove your sweatpants, pajamas, and/or stained underwear — whatever’s your freelancing uniform of choice — and set them aside to be burned. If you’ve been freelancing longer than a year, believe us, the stink of your trade has set up permanent residence in those fibers. No one close to you will tell you this, but we will: Your clothes reek. They must be incinerated. If you burn them in the yard, why not multi-task and do a little rain dance for the gods? Can’t hurt. (Put new clothes on first — we’re sure your neighbors don’t want to see your dangly bits doing the funky chicken.)
2. Get the water at the right temperature. Experts say this is around 100 degrees Fahrenheit. But you know what? You’re probably half-asleep if you haven’t been showering regularly, so jack up the cold water for a wake-up call. Go on, don’t be a wuss. You want to be a successful freelancer? You’ll have to put up with more than the occasional cold shower. We’re talking cold shoulders, and a lot of them.
3. Now step in there and let that bracing water cascade over your body, dirty girl/dirty boy. Oh stop shivering already. Now grab some soap. What? You forgot the soap? Ok, step out of the shower, grab some from the sink, and get back in there.
4. Lather, rinse, repeat — many times. When you think you’re smelling pretty sweet, it can’t hurt to give yourself another sudsing. God knows when you’ll doing this again.
5. Time to dry off. Your clean towels are probably (unfolded) in a basket on the other side of the house, so use your skeevy work clothes to cover your lady garden/boy toy to grab one.
6. Wait, is that the sound of e-mail arriving in your in-box? Go ahead, check it. We’ll wait here by your laundry basket … after all, it could be Jan Wenner wanting to know if you’re free to cover the Def Leppard reunion in Martinique next month. As if.
7. Hello? Hello?! Naked freelancer, where are you? Oh. My. God. Linda, this freelancer is sitting at her computer, stark raving nekkid. Can you see that? Yeah I know she’s clean but geez … [db]

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