When Your Priorities Shift: Observations on Parenting and Freelancing
Since we brought our son Traver home in early 2009, work seems to have gotten so much easier and I seem to have even more free time than I did before. How can that be? After all, as any freelancing mom or dad will attest, trying to get any writing done with a squalling baby or toddler in the house is like trying to work with an adorable jackhammer going in the next room. And as a parent, I’m doing much more housework and cooking than I did pre-baby.
Here are my random thoughts about this phenomenon.
My priorities have shifted. Before, work was on my mind all. the. time. If I wasn’t brainstorming article ideas, I was worrying that a key source hadn’t gotten back to me or bemoaning the fact that I had a looming deadline. I never forgot an interview or a deadline because those to-dos were seared into the backs of my eyeballs where they would be visible to me wherever I went. But now, I have something much, much more important to think of. I actually need to check my calendar every day to make sure I don’t miss an interview, and am often surprised to see that I have a phone call scheduled in just a few hours. And somehow…it all gets done.
With Traver, I find that I have many more “in the moment” experiences, which is saying a lot for someone who has ADHD. Instead of thinking about all the work I have to get done, I’m becoming engrossed in a hot air balloon book or playing “criss cross applesauce” and marveling at my toddler’s little gap-toothed smile.
I’ve also set boundaries. Pre-kid, I had no problems working whenever someone needed me. Now, I generally work on Tuesdays and Thursdays so my other days are free to spend with my family. I do check e-mail on the other days in case an emergency comes up (and it rarely does), but I try to set my interviews for Tuesdays and Thursdays. And if I need to set interviews on another day (as I will this week), I set them during Traver’s naptime. (Luckily he takes three-hour naps!) I used to respond to e-mails within minutes, and now it often takes a day or more. And you know what? It doesn’t matter.
I parent, freelance (and earn most of our family’s income), and keep up the house — and still have plenty of free time, while a student of mine who is retired and has no kids recently told me that she didn’t have time to complete the course assignments. Part of it is setting priorities. Would I rather work or spend time with my kid? Spend time with my kid. Would I rather watch TV or work? Work. Would I rather surf the Internet or clean the house? Well, you know what I’d RATHER do, but guess which one I choose?
All of this has happened since we brought home our son. Does anyone else feel that having a kid forces you to reorder your priorities, often for the better? Parents, have you become more efficient in your work? Do you find, like I do, that you have more free time simply because you aren’t spending 100% of your time rehashing your to-do list? [lf]
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Jul 12, 2010 Motivation, Observations, Personal yammerings, productivity
Yep, it’s all about priorities. My kids are only little once and I don’t plan to miss a minute of it so I have to get up early in the morning to write while my kids are asleep or on Saturday morning when my husband is making breakfast. Sometimes I even (gasp) turn on the TV in the afternoon if I really need to get something done (but that’s only after we’ve spent the morning at the playground or out on a bike ride or doing something that requires some physical activity). I’m just starting to get a few things published and to get paid for my writing so making time to write is becoming even more of a priority for me. But, I have had to multi-task my way around motherhood for the past several years so adding one more thing to my to-do list isn’t going to break me. It all depends on how I choose to spend my time.
Oh what a cutie!
Linda, I think you will find that your priorities shift many times over the next few years. It’s great that you are totally enjoying the phase you are in!
You know what they say–if you want something done, give it to a busy person.
I must say, you lit a fire under my tail. When you called me out in “Bust My Excuse” for not making writing a priority over housework, I changed my tune. Now I use nap time to write. No excuses. Even if it’s a weak blog post it gets done. I just posted a blog, now I’m off to paint the front door, iron and hopefully get the big kid bedrails assembled. Before I would have skipped the writing entirely and slogged through the chores. Thanks, Linda! Naptime is so much more fulfilling now.
Great post Linda. One priority shift I made was to leave behind full-time work when my son was born. Freelancing was a way to do that. Now I’m finding the need to prioritize within the freelancing paradigm. My freelance newspaper/magazine work allows me to do that, but business clients are another story. I still have one client who regularly calls me at 3:30, even though she knows that my “on” hours are between 9:30 – 2:30. I recently got caller ID (I’m a dinosaur, I know) and this has helped immensely in terms of deciding whether I should take the call or wait it out. Like you said, returning emails and phone calls the next day is OK if it’s not an emergency, and it rarely is. Also, giving myself permission to un-plug has been key. There is such a rush to be accessible 24/7…social media, email, etc. have the power to keep us chained to our desks, instead of out there living life. And really, isn’t that where all the great ideas bubble up?
Thanks for your comments! I guess it all comes down to what Star says — if you want something done, give it to a busy person. Up to a point, the more I have on my plate, the more productive I am. If I have nothing going on, I feel sluggish and have trouble getting started.
I’m excited to see how my priorities continue to shift as Traver gets older.
Heather, I’m so glad my post helped you — congrats on getting so much accomplished! Keep an eye out…I’ll be busting a few more excuses in the weeks to come.
Rachel, I posted my comment as you were posting yours! It’s all about setting boundaries. Where in the past your boundaries might have been fuzzy, they become much firmer once you have a kid! Thanks for your comment.
LINDA – this article is powerful.
I was too young and too dumb when I had my son (I was 22 and already unhappily married). But now, as a grandmother, I find I am always ready – to read “Brown Bear Brown Bear” 20 times if requested. I can color on construction paper for hours and use up the whole pack of paper and not care about the waste of toddler artistry. I can sit on the floor for hours doing the dinosaur floor puzzles over and over, until I need help getting up. I don’t care if an egg is dropped on the floor by a little chef or if the little chef leaves some eggshell in the mix. I’ll listen endlessly to the five-year-old tell his tale of when found a bug in the sink at school! And, when I’m home, I am more productive – because I’m happy. And I don’t care if my writing career never takes off – because I have Wayne (nearly 5) and Shawn (3). And that, ladies and germs, is the priority.
I actually started my freelance career after my kids were born so time has always been a crazy balancing act. Now I have a 5 yr old and a 3 yr old and another on the way and, I agree with Colette, that it is an ever-changing process. I worked certain hours when the older was in preschool now I’m making sure to enforce naptime and quiet time and/or trying to get up early to get work done. I really like your suggestion, Linda, or establishing “firm” workdays. I think that would help me a great deal rather than always feeling like I “should” be doing more. That way, when I’m just enjoying playing with the kids, I don’t worry about what work is on my plate and on “workdays” I feel less guilty about prioritizing that.
Linda, first off, he’s adorable! Love the pic.
You’re preaching to the choir here…I totally agree about the priority shift. Like you, I’ve found that juggling parenting and freelancing has made me more focused and more productive with my worktime because it is more limited than pre-kids. And like one of the other posters said, “if you want something done, give it to a busy person.”
Another thing that has changed for me is that I’m thinking more of long-term–not only for my kids, but for my career, i.e. will doing this project/book/whatever offer any kind of long-term potential? I don’t just want to churn out work to make money (though I do, obviously)–I want to be working on things that will pay off in the future, too, if that makes sense. Sort of like how when you teach your child manners when he’s 2, then he can pleasantly surprise you at 5 by saying “please” or better yet, holding the door open for an older woman! All that early work (hopefully) does pay off…
Thank you for your comments! Karen, I also find myself becoming much more patient. I didn’t think I would be able to handle watching a toddler play for an hour, but when it’s your own kid it suddenly becomes very interesting.
Katrina, I should also mention that though I try to keep my work week to two days — Tuesday and Thursday — it does fluctuate. For example, I worked yesterday (Monday) instead of today. And even though I’m not supposed to be working today, I have two interviews scheduled — but they’re during Traver’s nap.
Kelly, good point. It’s funny, I’ve been doing this full-time for 13 years, but I make most of my decisions on money. How much does this assignment pay? How fast do they pay? I also consider whether the market is a PITA. But I never think about how it will impact my career in the future. Maybe it’s because I do mostly magazine writing, so it’s all quick-shot work with high turnover.
Awww, I miss T-Rex! He looks so much older (and wiser!) than the last time I saw him. He’ll be old enough to need a styptic pencil before you know it.