Kicking the E-mail Habit
If you’re like me, sending and answering e-mail is a big part of your freelance job — but it’s also a huge distraction. I recently figured that on a typical work day, I check e-mail every five minutes or so; that’s almost 50 times in a four-hour work period. And although I work — that is, have my butt in a chair — only two days per week, as far as my editors are concerned I work full-time. That means that even if I’m out taking my son to the park, I’m checking e-mail on my phone to make sure I can respond if a client needs me.
About a year ago I blocked the websites that suck the most of my time, and I just put the kibosh on Facebook and Twitter as well (at least for a while), but I still feel strangely compelled to check e-mail as much as I can. It’s a huge distraction from my work and my home life. The thing is, probably over 90 percent of the e-mails I get are not at all urgent. And I don’t know why I get so excited when an e-mail lands in my inbox, because it usually represents something else I need to do — respond to a request for advice, scan a contract, add something to a website, and so on. (Not that I mind these things at all — they’re all part of my job — but they’re not worth checking e-mail compulsively.)
I read once that the urge to check e-mail operates in the same way as the rat pressing on a lever to get pellets of food. When a rat presses on a lever and every time is rewarded with a pellet of food, if the food stops, after a short while the rat will give up. But if the rat receives food at random intervals when it presses the lever, it will go much longer without the reward of food before it gives up on pressing the lever. In the same way, 90 percent of the time an e-mail is not urgent or not exciting — but every once in a while, an assignment from a client will pop up in my inbox, and this reinforces the e-mail checking habit.
I told my co-author and buddy Diana about this, and she recommended I read The Soft Addiction Solution by Judith Wright. The author asserts that when you indulge in a “soft” addition like TV watching, Internet surfing, mindless eating, or shopping, you’re really trying (and failing) to fulfill a deeper need. After reading through most of the book and doing some of the exercises, I realized that I check e-mail because I’m looking for excitement, variety, and diversion. Checking e-mail is always a diversion, and 10 percent of the time it’s exciting as well! But it’s not the kind of excitement I really want. I dream of exploring our area and doing fun, educational activities with my family, but always feel like I “don’t have the time.”
Wright suggests that if you find real ways to meet your deeper needs, you’ll naturally start cutting down on your soft addictions. So this weekend, I made an effort to find fun things to do that work around our son’s naptime. We went on three hikes (our 20-month-old walked a half-mile on one of them, which is pretty good!), threw stones in the river, and went to the Currier Museum of Art. We also had friends over for dessert, and I changed my RSVP for a barbecue with people I don’t know well from a No to a Yes. And when we went to Borders during some down time, instead of gravitating towards the health magazines, I read Nuts & Volts magazine and learned how to power a small timer using five potted plants.
And guess what? I didn’t have the urge to check e-mail at all. In fact, I didn’t check until Monday morning, and then I processed all my e-mails in about 20 minutes. I felt so refreshed, awake, and even joyful after a weekend of trying new things.
However, while this approach works well on days off, what about on my work days? I have fewer than eight hours while our son is at school two days per week, and during those hours I actually need to work. It’s not like I can go out when I crave excitement and explore the town. But instead of checking e-mail, perhaps I can go for a short walk, cook something different for lunch, or pick up a different magazine at the newsstand. And maybe if my need for excitement is met during my days off, I’ll be better at checking e-mail just three times per day on work days: Once in the morning, once at lunchtime, and once at the end of the work day. (I’ve tried this in the past and can’t seem to do it for more than one day.)
How about you: Is your e-mail habit taking over your life so that you can’t be truly present at work or in your life outside of work? Why do you think that is? Is there some deeper need that you’re trying to meet through compulsive e-mail checking? Have you tried any tactics for curbing the habit? [lf]
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Sep 6, 2010 Advice, Cool products, Motivation, Observations, Personal yammerings, productivity, Self improvement
Hello, I’m Melanie and I’m an Email Addict. I’m the same way. I look for distraction, excitement and a bit of fun in my emails. This rarely happens. But I still look.
Linda, this post speaks to me directly. I, too, work mostly from home and I’ve got a pretty bad e-mail addiction for the reasons you’ve written about so eloquently here! I actually had to get my husband to take our modem to work on my writing days–this, on top of hiding any chocolate in the house!
Anne Lamott has also written on this subject, in a back issue of Sunset Magazine. Here’s the link: http://www.sunset.com/travel/anne-lamott-how-to-find-time-00418000067331/
Thanks for a marvelous and inspiring post. I’ll try checking just three times a day, as well!
-Melissa
“I read once that the urge to check e-mail operates in the same way as the rat pressing on a lever to get pellets of food. When a rat presses on a lever and every time is rewarded with a pellet of food, if the food stops, after a short while the rat will give up. But if the rat receives food at random intervals when it presses the lever, it will go much longer without the reward of food before it gives up on pressing the lever.”
OMG. That is the best description, ever, of why I can’t stop checking my email. The problem is every time I go off and do something else I always miss something important. Sod’s law stops me. I know it would be fine to check, say, once an hour… I know… I just can’t DO it.
I’m a compulsive email checker as well, although I don’t exactly refresh my inbox every five minutes. (I have an alert, and whenever it dings, I will drop what I’m doing to come see what landed in my inbox). I think that for me, the reason is loneliness. My husband is a wonderful companion, but he isn’t here 9+ hours a day and I am alone with no one but a three year old for company.
Very true. My soft addictions include FB and TV. I’m pretty much over email, LinkedIn, and Twitter (thankgod). My problem w/tv is that I keep it on for company & white noise. I kind of tune in every once in a while to gauge my time. I know – there’s a clock on the computer, but I’m not always at my computer. I have no tactics for quitting anything. Just have to find gigs that engross me.
Fantastic post, Linda. I’ve started limiting my e-mail responding to once per day. I still check frequently (have to work on that), but I don’t respond immediately like I once used to. I take out a 15-30 minute period and just finish ‘em all in that time frame.
Thanks for all your comments! I’m actually surprised — and heartened — to hear I’m not the only one. Whenever I’m dealing with some issue, I feel like everyone else has it all together except me.
I’m thinking of doing a 30-day experiment to cut down on e-mail use and posting daily updates on the blog. Readers can join me and post their updates in the comments. What do you think?
I kept your post as unread in my Google Reader so when I had complete quiet in my house I would read it. I also didn’t want to face it because I know I have an addiction. And to read the rat/lever scenario, well…there’s no room for any more excuses. I just put the book on hold at the library but I realized that’s another way to put off change. OUCH.
Your post, Linda, is cheaper than therapy.;) Thanks. I’d love to join you on “withdrawals from the inbox.”
Thanks for trying to make me a better person–but it won’t work!!
Good for you, Jan! Okay, tomorrow I’m posting about the Kicking the E-Mail Habit 30-Day Challenge. Please join!
Star, ha!
Hi Linda,
Yes. To all of that. Exactly. I’m glad my husband isn’t reading over my shoulder because he’s been complaining about my compulsive email checking ever since I got my iPhone. I always tell him it’s work-related, which is mostly true, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have a problem. I’m tempted to join you in your kick the email habit, but like Dionne, most of the time, I’m alone with my 3 y.o. and 1 y.o. The act of checking my email is a brief but pleasant break from constant discussions about my favorite type of tractor or singing “Daddy Wouldn’t Buy me a Bow-Wow”. Can’t give up the habit just yet….I need it.
Barbara, that’s what the book addressed: You mentioned that you’re not checking e-mail because you need to for work, but because you need distraction. If the habit bothers you, the book offers ways to meet that need for distraction in more constructive ways.
Great post, Linda! I struggle with email addiction, too.
I try to be very strict with myself about email. I check it before I leave for my day job. I check it when I get home. I check it about two hours later, halfway through my freelance work shift, and I check it right before bedtime. If I didn’t have a set schedule, I’d be checking every six seconds to see if a new job lead had come in.
I am not joining the challenge–but you guys have fun. I enjoy email, it’s my contact to the world…I stare at a cactus otherwise. Sure, I could do other things–but other things in this business stink up the joint at the moment. So, write me…I love you. I will answer immediately. Come visit my recession site… http://hopeycopey.blogspot.com or my health site, http://healthsass.blogspot.com.
So glad I’m not alone. I AM THAT RAT. It’s gotten so bad that I check email in a continual loop. And I mean NONSTOP, unless I am away from the house. I goes like this: Gmail, to AOL, to Yahoo, then back to Gmail, then switch screennames on AOL (I have 3), then back to Yahoo, then over to Gmail, and on it goes all day long. I think it would be STAGGERING to know how many times in a day I click from one browser tab to another. And half the time, I don’t even respond right away. I read the email and then decide to respond later “when I have more time.” Right now, collectively, I have 494 emails I need to deal with. I considered doing a blog post about this (and the TV thing) back in March, but I’ve been “too busy” checking email and watching 21 hours of TV a week to have time to update my blog. =/
Ooo—different email accounts. You should not have told me that.
[...] Renegade Writer Kicking the E-mail Habit Writer Linda Formichelli shares her decision and process for kicking her [...]
I am closing my inbox… you have inspired me.
I complain about lack of motivation and then about ot having enough time… all while checking my e-mail. Time to make a change.
http://atlanticwriter.blogspot.com/2010/09/confessions-of-e-mail-addict.html
You know what’s funny? I actually came to check out your blog as a way of procrastinating against writing an article. Oy! This is a constant sore spot for me and one that I must keeping working on.
[...] good news is I am not alone. Linda Formichelli over at The Renegade Writer has the same problem. I find it comforting to know writers with more commercial success [...]
[...] good news is I am not alone. Linda Formichelli over at The Renegade Writer has the same problem. I find it comforting to know writers with more commercial success [...]