8 ways to deal with rejection like a rhino
By Carole Lyden
Has your writing ever been rejected?
I’m betting yes.
So how did that make you feel?
Are you still nursing that burning sense of humiliation and injustice that stops you dead in your tracks from ever wanting to put yourself in that position again?
New writers often fall in love with their own writing and suffer badly when the reality check of putting their writing out there does not match their optimistic expectations.
To help you get over rejection — and we all experience it — here are 8 sure-fire ways to deal with it — and grow as a writer.
1. Get real.
If you’re a writer who puts her work out there, you will have to learn to face rejection. Rejection is part and parcel of the life of a writer. Accept that and it will become easier for you do deal with. [Note from Linda: I'd say 30% to 50% of my ideas have been rejected!]
2. Reflect.
Rejection of your work can be disappointing and yet it should not crush you from moving on with your dream of being a writer. If it does you need to reflect on why? What does rejection of your work mean to you? Do you feel like a failure, do you resent others’ success? If you do, it may be helpful to seek therapy to help you deal with low self-esteem issues that will keep surfacing in your life until you deal with them.
3. Cut the umbilical cord.
Detach and step back — remember, your writing is not you. Rejection of your work is not a personal rejection of you, though it can feel bad for a short while.
4. Don’t take it personally.
Rejection of your work doesn’t necessarily mean that it is no good. It’s likely to be nothing whatsoever to do with merit. It could be that the editor is having a bad day. Or it could be that the subject of your article is not topical or has recently been published. It could also be that the magazine or blog has decided that it wants to encourage a different readership.
5. Learn from it.
Rejections can have value for you. They are a gift. Learn from them. When you get a rejection, try to analyze and critique your own work. Could you have done anything differently?
6. Use rejection to open doors.
Not all rejections are equal. If an editor gives a few pointers as to how your work could be enhanced, take her up on it, rewrite and send it back to her. If an editor adds a personal comment about your work, don’t make it too long before you send another well-researched query her way.
7. Consider rejection a war medal.
Save up all your rejection slips and keep them as war medals for a wounded writer. Proudly show them off to prove your commitment to your profession.
8. Keep going.
To increase your chances of success, try to have as many queries circulating to editors as you can. The more queries you send out, the more chance you have of securing an acceptance — and the less painful any one rejection will be.
Writing is a job like any other and needs to be approached with realistic expectations. Don’t let rejection color the rest of your performance as a writer.
Treat every rejection as a one-off. Learn from the experience, refocus and move on.
Bio: I am Carole Lyden, freelance writer and psychotherapist. I specialise in writing about psychotherapy, mental health, personal development and women’s issues. I am particularly concerned and disillusioned about the negative predicament of the mental health system in Australia today. I blog at Psyche Buzz.
image: cyberslayer
If you liked that post, you might also like:
Jan 3, 2013 Advice, Motivation
Great tips. I agree that therapy might help if someone’s taking rejection too personally.
I also think number 8 is the most important response to rejection. I have a color coded chart to track all of my submissions, and my monthly goal is to have more Yellow (submitted) than red (rejected). That helps me remain hopeful. If we submit one thing at a time and wait for the response, it’s easy to get discouraged because we don’t have the immediate hope of our other submissions being accepted. Make sense?
Hi Sarah, I completely agree, it is so easy to get discouraged. The color coded chart seems like a great idea.
All great tips. I’ve never let any single rejection tell me I’m a bad writer (though at times it might be true.) Instead it’s always been a jumping point from which to improve.
Also, it’s just a matter of finding the write home for your writing to live and grow. Sometimes it’s in the journal, sometimes it’s in a magazine. All seeds don’t grow in the same soil.
On the other side, a few months ago I held a small try-out for a co-author for an online story. It’s not any easier telling someone “No Thank You” for their work. A new learning perspective for sure.
Hi Dean, yes we are all individuals and finding where our writing is best suited can take time and energy! Rejections can hurt but I’m glad that you use them as springboards to move on.
I find rejections don’t bother me as much as they used to. It means I have something else to send out again, that I don’t have to start from scratch. I also find that it has to do with how many things you have moving at one time. Then you are less likely to hang all your hopes on one thing because you still have other things going.
Yes I think that’s true. I am much more resistant to rejections the more I have! But what you say is true, we can always send our rejected query out again and not place all our eggs in one basket.
Writing about topics that aren’t close to me allows me to distance myself from the feelings of rejection – memoir or personal narrative might be a totally different story if that was my chosen area of writing.
I think that the thick skin analogy is spot on Carole. In the first few months of sending out pitches I realised I was attaching too much meaning to what I was putting out there – I consciously chose to step back and view the pitches as work, I externalised it from me as a person and since then I take a no as an opportunity to repackage and re-pitch. Writing is a job for some of us, it isn’t the sum total of who we are, its just one part.
Nice piece!
Hi Sarah, nice to see you here.
rethinking rejection is the way to go!
cheers Carole
All professionals get rejected. It’s not just writers. When people sit on board meetings, their ideas get rejected too. When companies put out new products, sometimes those products flop – another form of rejection. Even athletes get rejected. It’s just a part of life.
Whenever I get rejected I always remember that when one door shuts, another one opens. You’re not going to keep getting rejected. Eventually someone is going to say yes. And life is so funny, because once you get one “yes” you’ll start getting more and more of them until you find you’re getting a whole slew of them at once. That’s what I look forward to when I get rejected. That one person who says “yes.” Until then, I just keep plugging along.
That’s the spirit Kinya, keep on plugging along. One yes can make up for 10 rejections.
Numbers 4 and 8 are key. Rejection is hard, especially if you’re just starting out or are more personally invested in a piece than normal. But the more you put yourself out there, the more perspective you get and the more you’re able to take it in stride.
One of my favorite quotes:
“If you’re holding out for universal popularity, you will be in this cabin for a very long time.”
– Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Not everyone or everything is right for someone else. But even if you’re the only one in the world who finds value is your work, you still need and deserve to keep writing. The rest will follow if you keep going.
Hi Erica , yes many of us creatives take things much too personally. Yes if we look to others for our own happiness and popularity it will be a long time coming.
Thanks for commenting
The last point is the most important one, and it is true for everything–not only writing.
The more opportunities you pursue, the more successful you will be. Every successful person has lots of failures, so you won’t be an exception. Just keep working and you will have successes.
Hi Cathy, the last point is crucial I agree. We writers tend to be more susceptible for rejection than other fields for some reason. Probably because we put ourselves out there every day.
Thanks for commenting
Great points here. I got rejected from EzineArticle, though they accepted my first article. Then, they rejected my 2 or 3 articles in a row. I didn’t stop. One good news for me is they have upgraded my author status from Basic to Basic Plus. I am not saying that I have achieved a great degree. But, it’s a sign for me. Your tips will surely encourage me in the future. What I understand is rejection can open new doors. So don’t stop. Thanks!
No worries Shiful, I’m glad the post was useful to you.
Carole, this is such a timely read for me – thank you for your insightful tips!
Hi Donna,
Nice to see you here. I’m glad that this was helpful.
I’m finishing my first novel this year so I’m preparing for a lot of rejection since first time authors like myself normally experience that. Thanks.
You are welcome Jevon
The truth is that almost everyone has been rejection only makes me stronger.
Rejecting my work means “you have to work harder” to me.
It only makes me stronger just like this article has done to me.
Thanks Tojola