My client’s editor had supplied her with one of the resources she wanted the writer to include, so my client put that one first in the list.

The bad news was, that product didn’t really fit in with the others; it was weak, but the writer included it because the editor insisted.

I suggested my client re-order the items in the list so that she’d lead off the article on a strong note, and she asked me how I normally order my list articles. A great question! I thought about it, and realized that I do have a few rules of thumb I use to create a strong list article or query.

Judge Them

When I write a list article (or a pitch for one), typically there are a few really strong items and few weaker ones. I can tell one from the other by instinct at this point, but you may want to ask a friend to read over your article and let you know which items made her say, “Wow! I never knew that.” Those are the strong ones.

The weaker ones are the points that your reader may have heard before, that you didn’t manage to get good quotes for, or that simply don’t have that “wow” factor.

Bracket Them

I make it a point to start off and end my article or query with the stronger items. That way, the article gets off to a good start, and goes out on a high note. People tend to remember the first things and the last things they read, so you want those points to be awesome.

Mix Them Up

After deciding on strong items to start and end the list with, in between those I alternate stronger and weaker points. So the order would be strong-weak-strong-weak-strong. That way even if a reader has already heard one of your tips or is not interested in a point, the article is saved, in her eyes, in the very next paragraph. This keeps interest high.

You definitely don’t want to lead with three strong points and then end with three weak ones — what a letdown! — or have several weaker items in a row. You risk losing the editor’s — and the reader’s — interest.

Put It in Second

I got this tip from a writer friend of mine: If the editor suggests you include something in your list, put it second. If you put it first, it looks like you didn’t do your job because the editor came up with the best item in the article. If you put it last, it looks like you’re dissing your editor’s suggestion and only grudgingly including it in your article.

Picky points, to be sure, but writing a successful article is all about the details. You need to understand rhythm and flow, and use subtle tricks to get the reader interested and keep him reading until the end.

How about you — do you ever think about how to order the items in your list article or article pitch? What rules have you come up with? [lf]

The writer’s original query is below — then my general comments and, finally, the revised version taking my comments into consideration.

What do you think of the original and revised queries? Is there anything you would have done differently? Do you agree with my critique? Post your insights in the Comments below! [lf]

The Yoga (Every) Body: Debunking the skinny yogi myth once and for all

Enough is enough. Call them heavy, curvy, chunky or obese – overweight people have been told to hate their bodies for too long, and it’s not getting anybody any thinner – or fitter! We’ve seen one exercise fad after another ostensibly designed to help people lose weight, yet yoga has rested steadily in the background for literally thousands of years. Meanwhile, the last thirty or so have seen it relegated to the realm of fitness for the already-fit. The truth is that yoga is as varied as it is ancient, and is not just about gravity-defying postures accessible only to the double-jointed size 6.

According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, roughly a third of Americans are obese. Obviously, losing weight requires that perfect union of better nutrition and more exercise. But for people who are obese, exercise is daunting indeed. Firstly, any exercise is far more difficult when we’re significantly over our ideal weight. That is to say, it hurts. Our joints hurt, our bones hurt, and our egos hurt worst of all. Secondly, investing time and energy in exercise is a lot easier when we don’t hate the beneficiary of our labors – namely, our bodies. This article will directly target three reasons yoga is ideal for people struggling with their weight, bearing these limitations strongly in mind throughout.

There’s No Place Like Om

One of the biggest benefits to yoga is that it can almost always be practiced in the comfort – and emotional safety – of one’s own home. Trying to summon the motivation to work out is a challenge for anyone, but it is exceptionally difficult when exercise hasn’t been a part of our lives for a long time, or indeed has never been a part of our lives. Eliminating any obstacles – the need for expensive equipment, a drive to the gym, or perhaps most importantly, the threat of embarrassment from exercising in a public arena – is key to making sure we actually do it. In her book, Big Yoga: A Simple Guide for Bigger Bodies , Meera Patricia Kerr writes, “I stopped going to the gym years ago because I felt so out of place.” Big Yoga does call for equipment for many of its asanas, or poses, but most often that equipment consists of a wall, a chair, or a necktie!

Modify This.

Within yoga there are so many practices, and each of these bring different modifications to the fore. There is really no limit to how far a posture can be modified, and this is one reason students should consider attending a few classes. Yoga instructors are trained to work with their students’ bodies, to help them work toward the same end result as those achieved through asanas that may remain out of reach at first. For practitioner Janet Zinn, a psychotherapist from New York who lost 60 pounds in part by practicing yoga, this is no small feature: “I believe that being able to modify enables people to affirm themselves…[Yoga] is an amazing way to respect and listen to our bodies.” I’ll draw from Kerr’s Big Yoga, as well as insights from yoga instructor Anna Guest-Jelley, founder of Curvy Yoga in South Carolina, to highlight why these modifications are a great place to start, and can even offer some how-to’s on a few modifications as a sidebar.

Within the Body…and Beyond

Dr. Moshe Lewis, MD, MPH, Pain Rehabilitation Expert and Chief of the Department of Physical Medicine at St. Luke’s Hospital in San Francisco, has worked with a lot of patients in a lot of pain. The way he sees it, “The psychological components of weight management are honestly the largest hurdles to encounter and overcome.” Yoga tackles this issue gently, but directly. Every part of yoga is about identifying with one’s body, being present and aware, “breathing into” one’s various appendages and organs. “It’s about accepting who you are,” says psychotherapist and yoga instructor Lauren Rose, “and this is where the physical crosses over into the emotional.” While all exercise can and should be mentally and emotionally rewarding, yoga’s specific emphasis on presence and quieting the mind (and all its nagging negative comments) make it an ideal practice for people who may need a little extra TLC as part of their workout routine.

To date, the majority of my work has been academic in nature, and I’d be happy to send along some clips upon your request. I’ve been practicing yoga for eight years, and believe strongly in its ability to heal. It’s time to be done with this destructive myth, and my sources are just as excited as I am to help see it off. I’ve also got a couple of sources with some great action pics of plus-size yoga practitioners if you’d be interested. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

MY COMMENTS

* I really like this query! It is a great idea, and now you just need to find the right home for it.

* You got some good interviews.

* Your paragraphs are very long…I’d work on chunking them down a bit to make the query more readable.

* You’ve buried your lede. It sounds like the real meat of your lede is in the second paragraph. I would start with that and then have a second paragraph that has elements from this original first graph.

* I like your title, but your subtitle seems a little off-point…it seems like you’re saying there are already a lot of heavy yogis, but your pitch is all about trying to get more overweight people to try yoga. I would just remove the subtitle.

* I moved your stat to the end to bolster your argument about why the article is important. I think the lede is stronger without it.

* I would tighten up the writing a bit. For example, you don’t need to say, “bearing these limitations strongly in mind throughout.” That’s assumed.

* I would change “obese” to “overweight” so as not to narrow down your audience too much.

* The section on Within the Body — and Beyond is a little confusing…is this section about physical pain or mental pain? I changed it up a bit to get rid of the confusion.

* Ask for the sale at the end! This would make sure the editor knows this is a pitch, not a full article and not a press release.

* I’ve made small changes to sentence structure and word choice throughout.

THE REVISED QUERY

The Yoga (Every) Body

Losing weight requires that perfect union of better nutrition and more exercise. But for people who are overweight, exercise is daunting.

First, any exercise is far more difficult when we’re significantly over our ideal weight. That is to say, it hurts. Our joints hurt, our bones hurt, and our egos hurt worst of all. Second, investing time and energy in exercise is a lot easier when we don’t hate the beneficiary of our labors – namely, our bodies.

We’ve seen one exercise fad after another ostensibly designed to help people lose weight, yet yoga has rested steadily in the background for literally thousands of years. Yoga is as varied as it is ancient, and is not just about gravity-defying postures accessible only to the double-jointed size 6.

My article, “The Yoga (Every) Body,” will directly target three reasons yoga is ideal for people struggling with their weight. For example:

There’s No Place Like Om

One of the biggest benefits to yoga is that it can almost always be practiced in the comfort – and emotional safety – of one’s own home. Trying to summon the motivation to work out is a challenge for anyone, but it is exceptionally difficult when exercise hasn’t been a part of our lives for a long time, or indeed has never been a part of our lives.

Eliminating any obstacles – the need for expensive equipment, a drive to the gym, or perhaps most importantly, the threat of embarrassment from exercising in a public arena – is key to making sure we actually do it.

In her book, Big Yoga: A Simple Guide for Bigger Bodies, Meera Patricia Kerr writes, “I stopped going to the gym years ago because I felt so out of place.” Big Yoga does call for equipment for many of its asanas, or poses, but most often that equipment consists of a wall, a chair, or a necktie!

Modify This

Within yoga there are so many practices, and each of these offers different modifications to help practitioners who can’t safely or comfortably perform the various asanas. There is really no limit to how far a posture can be modified, and this is one reason students should consider attending a few classes even if they plan to practice mostly at home. Yoga instructors are trained to work with their students’ bodies, to help them work toward the same end result as those achieved through asanas that may remain out of reach at first.

For practitioner Janet Zinn, a psychotherapist from New York who lost 60 pounds in part by practicing yoga, this is no small feature: “I believe that being able to modify enables people to affirm themselves…[Yoga] is an amazing way to respect and listen to our bodies.”

I’ll draw from Kerr’s Big Yoga, as well as insights from yoga instructor Anna Guest-Jelley, founder of Curvy Yoga in South Carolina, to highlight why these modifications are a great place to start for people who are overweight [just keeping your theme front of mind!], and can even offer how-to’s on a few modifications as a sidebar.

Within the Body…and Beyond

Dr. Moshe Lewis, MD, MPH, Pain Rehabilitation Expert and Chief of the Department of Physical Medicine at St. Luke’s Hospital in San Francisco, says, “The psychological components of weight management are honestly the largest hurdles to encounter and overcome.” For example, heavy women tend to beat themselves up when their bodies don’t perform exercises the way they’d like them to. [I added this to give an example of what your source is talking about. —Linda]

Yoga tackles this issue gently, but directly. Every part of yoga is about identifying with one’s body, being present and aware, “breathing into” one’s various appendages and organs.

“It’s about accepting who you are,” says psychotherapist and yoga instructor Lauren Rose, “and this is where the physical crosses over into the emotional.” While all exercise can and should be mentally and emotionally rewarding, yoga’s specific emphasis on presence and quieting the mind (and all its nagging negative comments) make it an ideal practice for people who may need a little extra TLC as part of their workout routine.

To date, the majority of my work has been academic in nature, and I’d be happy to send along some clips upon your request. I’ve been practicing yoga for eight years, and believe strongly in its ability to heal.

According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, roughly a third of Americans are obese. It’s time to be done with the destructive myth that yoga is only for the skinny, and my sources are just as excited as I am to help see it off. I’ve also got a couple of sources with some great action photos of plus-size yoga practitioners if you’d be interested.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Please let me know if you’d like me to write up this article for [Magazine].

You do the happy dance, thank the client, and move on. End of story. Right?

Wait! Don’t let this opportunity slip by. You can turn a compliment from a client into a marketing tool that will help you get more work.

Let me preface this by saying I’m not talking about testimonials; those you typically ask for, and you ask for them because you plan to use them in a particular way. I’m talking about the unexpected compliment from an editor or client who is happy with your work. Compliments make you smile, but they typically don’t help you get more assignments — unless you know how to make them work for you.

Here’s how:

1. Add it to your website.

Ask the client if she’ll give you her permission to post her comment on your website as a testimonial. She may agree and even let you use her name — but even if she wants to remain anonymous, that’s better than nothing. You can still mention the magazine or company the client works for.

You can compile compliments on a testimonials page, or scatter them throughout your site. Hiring a new-to-you writer is a risk — who’s to say you won’t flake out at deadline time or turn in horrible copy? — but seeing these testimonials helps prospective clients feel more at ease hiring you because you’ve gotten a stamp of approval from another client.

2. Ask for a referral.

After you thank the editor or client, ask if he’ll introduce you to other people who may be in the market for a writer. For example, you can write to an editor, “Thanks so much for the compliment! I love writing for you and am glad you like my work. I’ve actually been thinking of pitching some of the editors at other magazines in your group — would you consider introducing me to them via e-mail?”

I’ve done this with great success; for example, after I responded to a compliment asking for a referral, my editor at a custom publishing company referred me to a colleague in the marketing department — and that editor hired me to write all the articles for a mock-up magazine they were creating as part of a proposal for a prospective client.

3. Add it to your pitches and letters of introduction.

Sometimes you can add a compliment to the credentials paragraph of a query letter or to a letter of introduction (LOI) — if it’s relevant. For example, if your USP (Unique Selling Proposition) is that you’re a good researcher, you can mention that an editor at X magazine recently complimented you on the research you did for a feature about homeschooling. If your USP is that you’re fast, be sure to include the fact that your client at Humongo Bank told you that you were the fastest writer she’s ever worked with.

4. Keep a list of compliments.

Whenever I get a compliment from an editor or client, I add it to a list that I send off to prospects as part of my Information Kit that includes my fee schedule and samples. I don’t use the complimenters’ names – I just write something like this:

“Thanks so much for turning around that rush article so quickly. It turned out great and the editor-in-chief was so pleased. You make my job easy.”
—Senior Editor at Noodle Manufacturers’ Fortnightly Magazine

I do this as part of my marketing for my corporate writing services, but it would probably work just as well if you included it with your e-mailed clips to a magazine or website editor.

5. File it away.

Whatever you do with the compliments you receive via e-mail, be sure to file them in a special folder you can turn to whenever you need a boost. I call mine “Nice Stuff” and it’s got close to 200 e-mails from editors, clients, students, mentees, Renegade Writer readers, and more. Love it!

How does this help you get more work? Well, think about how many more queries, letters of intro, prospecting e-mails, and cold calls you do when you’re feeling confident and on top of your game versus when you’re feeling underconfident and desperate.

What do you do when you get an unexpected compliment from an editor or client? Post your tips in the Comments below! [lf]

But most of us aren’t so lucky.

Many new writers freak out over this step, because they have few or no publication credits to trumpet. But there are many more reasons an editor may want to hire you besides the fact that you have clips.

Believe me, I know: I’ve had e-course students break into newsstand magazines like SELF and Flight Journal with zero clips.

Here’s what to ask yourself to build a credentials paragraph that has an editor drooling to assign you the article:

Do I have any clips, even if they’re not relevant?

As I mentioned in Clips 101, you gotta use what you have. If you’re pitching an article on holiday health hazards and all you have is three clips on pets, that’s what you use.

I’ve had students who were afraid to mention non-relevant clips, so it looked like they had none at all. Don’t do this!

Do I have any educational background in the topic?

You may not have written about a particular topic, but maybe you’ve studied it. So your credentials paragraph for an article on business marketing might mention you have an MBA. But you don’t have to have an advanced degree; for example, if you’re pitching a piece on yoga, you could tell the editor you’re in the middle of your teacher training.

And if you have a degree in journalism, you can mention it no matter what the topic. Have an MFA? An assigning editor probably won’t be impressed enough for it to make a difference.

Do I have access to a key source?

You may be friends with or have some other personal or business connection to a hard-to-get source such as a celebrity, bestselling author, or high-ranking politician. This makes you the obvious choice to write the story you’re pitching. So don’t be shy — bring it up!

Do I have an employment background in the topic?

Many writers have second jobs, and this can be a plus if your job (or a past job) relates to the subject you’re pitching. For instance, the fact that you manage a wine store is important if you’re querying an article on food and wine pairings. Being an endocrinologist will bolster your pitch on thyroid disorders. And if you run your own thriving crafts business, this will help you sell a piece on fun craft ideas — or on any topic relating to entrepreneurship.

Do I have personal experience in the topic?

I have a student with a great idea for an article on women’s relationships with their moms, and she mentioned in her credentials paragraph that she’s experienced some of the same communication snafus she’d be writing about in her article. This shows that she knows what questions readers will have about these issues, and also that she may be able to supply strong personal anecdotes.

If you’re pitching a parenting article, mention that you’re a mom or dad. If you’re writing about a health issue that you happen to have, bring it up. Pitching a piece on self defense? Tell the editor about your experience in the martial arts.

You can even let the editor know if you’re related to someone with a lot of experience in the topic; for example, if you’re querying an article on ways to market your pizzeria and your dad runs a successful pizza joint, you’ll want to highlight that connection.

Do other editors love me?

An editor is taking a risk by hiring a new-to-her writer — who’s to say you won’t skimp on research or flake out at deadline time? One way around this, especially if you don’t have a big handful of clips to show off or any obvious connection to the topic you’re pitching, is to let the editor know what your strong points are as a writer.

For example, have you received a compliment from another editor or client on your skill with words or your fast turnaround? Did an article you wrote for a website garner 500 comments? You can use this information to bolster a weak credentials paragraph.

Am I missing anything? Have you ever included something off-the-wall in your credentials paragraph, and if so, how did it turn out?

• “I don’t have any clips, so how can I break in?”
• “Does this article I wrote for a content mill count as a clip?”
• “My clips are old. Can I use them?”
• “Can’t I just write an article and use that as a clip?”

So even though as one of the Renegade Writers I’m all about breaking rules, I wanted to help aspiring writers by explaining what a clip is — and what it is not — and how you should use it.

Use what you’ve got.

While I’m about to tell you what kinds of pieces make the best clips, I want to preface that by saying you have to use what you’ve got. If all you have is a clip from a content mill, use it. If you haven’t been published anywhere other than your blog, use that. If your only clips are 10 years old — you got it, use ‘em.

I’ve been there. Heck, I got my first assignment — which paid $500 — using as a clip a book review I wrote for the academic journal Language on medieval dialectology. Anything (well, almost anything) is better that nothing.

Clips show more than your writing.

While you can just write an article and use that as a clip, it’s not as good as showing an editor something you’ve actually had published. Why? Because a published clip shows much more than your writing skills — it also shows an editor that you know how to write for publication, that you can write within an assigned word count, and that you can write under deadline.

Essentially, another editor has stamped a seal of approval on your work, making it easier for future editors to take a risk on you.

Don’t bother writing for content mills just to get clips.

Believe me, an editor will not take seriously a clip from a content mill. That’s because there are no editorial gatekeepers…pretty much anyone can write for a content mill, so that fact that you’ve written for one doesn’t indicate that you’re a professional writer or that you understand the editorial process.

Again, if that’s all you have, use it by all means. But don’t think you need to slog through assignments at one cent per word to gain a clip. I’d rather see someone just write up an article and use that as a clip than do it for the benefit of some underpaying content mill.

You don’t have to write for free to get a clip.

Writing for free is a valid and time-honored way to score that first clip. But you don’t have to. I’ve had students break into magazines like SELF and Woman’s Day with no clips. And a multitude of other writers have landed assignments from smaller, but still paying, publications without clips.

And if you do have the hankering to write for free, just to get that first clip fast? Volunteer your writing for a cause you’re passionate about. For example, though I didn’t do it for the clips, I used to write newsletter articles for the SPCA gratis. I’m sure almost any non-profit will be happy to have you — and that way you won’t be writing for free for a publication that will turn around and profit monetarily from your efforts.

Old clips are still clips.

Your clip may be 15 years old, but it still counts as a clip. Chances are you haven’t lost your writing and publishing skills in the intervening years. You can either come clean with the editor about why your clips are so old — they’ll understand that people take time off for various reasons — or you can just send the clips and not mention the dates.

Heck, you can even take the dates off your clips if you’re that worried about it. If you do that, though, be sure you’re not writing about that new-fangled Internet thingy or making other references that date your writing.

You can use killed articles as clips.

As long as the article wasn’t killed because you botched it! One of the clips I use the most never saw the light of day because the magazine went under a month before my article was to run. When I send it to an editor, I let her know what happened with it and tell her that I’m sending the piece to her anyway because I’m so proud of it. I’ve gotten lots of nice comments about that article from editors.

Feel free to send your original text.

Clips can be deceiving…I’ve heard horror stories from editors about writers who came to them with dozens of impressive clips — and then proved to be horrible at actually, well, writing. Turned out the clips were great because the writer’s editors poured hours into fixing the writer’s broken prose.

So I do something that a lot of writers wouldn’t dream of: Instead of sending a PDF file of my article with its impressive layout and graphics, I often send editors the Word file of my original copy, with a line at the top letting the editor know where and when it was published.

I usually mention in the e-mail that I’m doing this so the editor can see what my writing is like before my editors do their magic on it. This allays any fears that my beautiful clip is more the work of an editor than my own writing skills.

Don’t attach clips to your query.

Most editors will automatically trash any e-mail with an attachment they didn’t ask for. Instead, just mention some of your publishing credits in the query and let the editor ask for clips if she wants them. Then you can send them as an attachment.

Agree? Disagree? Have any other clip rules you’d like to share? Please post in the Comments below! [lf]